The one I love: what must I do?

what can I say or do when I know who is the Mister right ONE for me?
I know we are fated somehow. How? I don’t get it even after nearly 8 years. Every damn day since the first time I saw him I knew. Those feelings never disappeared no matter what I tried (yeah even having other men in my life).

At first I ran away ending up bleeding and hurting all over. My soul in fire and my heart in ashes.
Then I stopped to run away and accepted those feelings and knowledge I received. Since then I was able to live with it. Still in the darkness and driven by human’s nature I wanted to join his side so badly that I gave up all my dreams. And one day my love was mixed with hatred. Why should I be the only one to cry, to feel lonely, to be hurt?
Until I got it. Until I understood what love really means. At least for me.

Being in love doesn’t mean the other has to love you. It doesn’t mean he has to acknowledge it nor to accept it.
But it doesn’t mean either for you to live lonely and in pain all your life. It doesn’t mean you have to cry all by yourself and stay in despair forever.
The world is so huge and you can meet so many different and interresting people. Go out and open your mind. It’s the only way to live accordingly with your soul.

There is a fact: I love him. No matter what, I can’t deny it anymore even though I still can hide.
i know that the way he is now doesn’t make him happy and what he’s looking for will never be found by the way he is now. Don’t ask me how do I know. I can’t tell, because it’s my secret.
I tried to help him improve about his work and private life. I thought that maybe it will reach him in a way and makes him understand. But…
hey, say… who am I to tell him what to do? I am the first one who is running away or explodes when someone is trying to force me to do something. u_u

… And will I be able to make him happy? If right here and now I was by his side. Will I be able to make him smile and laugh? Right if I don’t try I won’t know. But that doesn’t mean I have to force him try it with me. In fact, it’s a huge responsability.

I tried so hard to move things, I felt like dying everyday. Until I decided to stop myself and let go.
what’s the use to do the same things again and again when you know it’s failing to reach the goal? I am no one. I am a stranger for him.

It took me 6 years to learn that happiness is only a state of mind. So I decided to smile and laugh and be happy even if I’ll never meet nor be by this person’s side.
For me the most important thing is him to be happy even if it is without me. I am lucky he is living in the same world and era as me. I am lucky because whenever I want to see his smiles I only need to take a look on his website. I am lucky whenever I need to hear his voice, I can do it. I met him at the right time. And since that fateful day I learnt to smile and laugh, I learnt to be happy and believe in my tomorrows. because as he is saying, no matter the situation we’re in we have infinite possibilities.

When love is involved, humans tend to hurt others when they are hurt. I rejected that way. I will never hurt him willingly. I will never try to get revenge because my soul is connected to his own. It’s not his fault. It’s not anyone fault.
And in fact, from his point of view, I am surely a crazy woman he must avoid for his own good. ^____^ And I agree. He must stay away from me if he wants to live carefree.

I learnt to synchronize my feelings with my mind so I won’t reject them anymore. I lived alone for many many years. I am able to go on like this and I enjoy it because I can manage my time as I want. Today I can say I am happy. Of course I’ll be happier if I was with that man (… or not. as says my mother :p), but that’s not my goal anymore. He has his own life and ideas. I respect that because I have mine.

I have dreams. I decided to start again working to realize them and go on until I’ll die.
I can meet people wherever I am. I begun to make friends. I am not alone anymore.
I keep staring at the stars and singing, my mind full of his funny faces I like.
I enjoy travelling, thinking that one day I will be able to live in the country I belong to, no matter what the others say.
I am glad I met artists who make me laugh, smile and feel good. I want my life full of joy and happiness. And it’s up to me to make it like that. ^^

I am grateful that japanese people helped me to change my point of view. And that korean people taught me to laugh too. I know about the hatred and history behind those 2 countries but I refuse to play the usa’s game. The past cannot be changed. Future can. Hatred will never heal anyone and revenge will never show you the way of life. Instead of keeping it even now in your hearts you better erase it and start anew together. By unifying us we have so much to win but almost all of us don’t see it. What a pity!

I created a lot of happy memories. I remember them everyday. Do you know Harry Potter? When he says that you must think at the happiest moments in your life in order to keep darkness away? In real life it’s the same thing. Remind only the happy moments of your life and you’ll find the way for everything you wish without hurting the other beings.

Maybe one day I’ll be with the person I love, maybe not but at least I won’t regret anything no matter what will happen. I already chose my way. I’ll keep taking my own decisions and move on.
That’s the way I see things, that’s the way I am.

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