Self Interview

Self Interview to find my way, my perfect other one is not helping much ^^
me: What to do?
miss perfect: Don’t ask!
– Where to go?
– You already know.
– After first step how to do it?
– Don’t ask!
make it clear in your mind. What is your true desire? what do you really want?
No one will come take you by the hand and show you the way.
– Why not? T___T
– Obvious! So. don’t ask!
– Alone nothing can be done.
– We agree.
– Create, create, create even from the abyss.
– We still agree.
– Then, from the first place, where to go now?
– How the hell am I supposed to know? O_o
Search in all city, in all country, in the entire world. You’ll surely find. –grin–
– search… In all city… the city is HUGE already !! O_o
– no joke? How come I didn’t know it. ^__^
So what? You’ll give up?
– no way! x___x
– then don’t wait. Begin now !
– Like … right now?
– Are you going to wait for the storm or the end of the world to take the first step? è_é
– errr…. of course not.
Let’s find the way together then in this huge world *____*

I am always remembering 3 sentences when I don’t know what to do:
“In front of a situation you have infinite possibilities” : hard to find them at first. keep looking for them you’ll find what is desired
“We as humans can make the impossible possible” and that’s true for all of us.
“make it simple, make it happen”
It always put my mind in peace which helps me to see things in a different way and find different solutions. 🙂


Hotel’s “racism” in Paris

I heard the story artist Gackt displayed in Asia about meeting with racism in Paris. The Asian reactions are not surprising me at all.

At the restaurant he was put aside with other Asian people, far away from western customers.
Yes I agree. We should never treat customers like that, no matter the country or the city.
But also I don’t agree. When we are not trained to recognize customers with bad behaviour from others, what to do?

The issue in Paris from what I heard and saw is that Chinese tourists are behaving in a really bad way with material damages. Try to put yourselves in the shoes of a restaurant master who has to deal with uncontrolled Chinese people.

How will you react? How will you manage them? Because they have money they can do anything they want? if it’s the case then they should pay for the repairs, shouldn’t they?

Wait. When I’m going in any other country to visit, can I do anything I want? Is it the case in Japan? South Korea? even China? I really can do what I want?
No, I can’t and you know it. That’s the right answer.

I agree there must be other ways to manage Chinese tourists. For example with the passports, police, ect…
It’s new for Europe. That’s why they acted as they did. Maybe with time they will reflect on it and find better ways.

Japan criticizing France for unprofessional behaviour I can understand it. But Japan must also change their behaviour towards Europeans. Not all Europeans are Russians and even if they were Russians, Russians are not savages either.

I respect everyone’s work so I won’t tell my story.

I’m just asking for points of view to manage difficult customers like Chinese these days.
Because you’re so great Mister Gackt and everyone criticizing it in the world, please share your solutions with us. We are willing to listen and improve ourselves.

And we hope you’ll improve Asian too. ^__^




  • I don’t get: what does eternity means ?
  • O_o you’re writing it in your lyrics.
  • Because everyone is putting it in lyrics. But I don’t get the meaning. :/
  • Forever
  • -_-” Not clear.
  • Think you’ll never die. That’s forever.
  • Never to die? Yurk. >__< what a painful thought!
  • Why painful?
  • Do you imagine meeting the same persons who hurt you, betrayed you, for eternity? With same faces and characters? Yurk, yurk, yurk. I prefer to live a new life with chances that souls like those will never cross my path again, if life after death exists.
  • Yeah right. Living forever like this looks more like a hell than heaven. But humans tend to dream about eternity.
  • I’m letting them have this kind of eternity. I don’t wish to live forever in this painful world.
  • But you made your world happy.
  • And I’m glad I made it. ^___^ it was hard but it was worth changing my beliefs.
    . . . still I don’t get why humans dream to live forever. . .

Work or not ? Do it or not?

Do you know what is so hard when I am working? Doing a bad job. Killing my knowledges to execute orders even if I know it will be bad for the company.
It pisses me off so much when I am working with bad managers who ask me to detroy the system further.
It makes me cry silently, because I want to shout out aloud “I DON’T WANT!”, but can’t say anything like that out aloud.

Is it really not possible to work fully instead of restraining myself?
It seems that in France it can’t be. All the systems I studied so far are bringing down the companies. Slowly but surely.
I’m a fool. I just need to shut up and do slowly slowly what I’m asked to do… until I’ll leave this kind of job forever.

I started to think about having my own company… Definitely not in France. I can’t do it in a country where everything must go down down down.
Is Europe dying? A lot of people are thinking like that including myself.
It may be the end of us.

Is there really no hope to make things better?

Wars: divide or unite?

Looking at documentaries about former wars I had a strange idea.

In the past there were men and women trying to unify people thinking that IT was the way to stop war. I thought that way too.
But no one in the past succeeded. Even today we are fighting, killing each other, making useless sacrifices for us.

Then if unity is not able to stop our madnesses, what if… what if it was the complete opposite. Don’t try to unite. Try to divide further. I wonder, is there a possibility that separating us further will be able to stop wars?

… It will mean that we are really not created to live together. >_<

The question remains : what will stop us from fighting? My answer is nothing. We will always fight. Because we are blind. Because it’s what humans did since the beginning and will do until complete destruction.

Maybe there is no solution, maybe staying away is the best thing (but can we live like that all our life?).

Like Kittens like Humans

I LOOOVVEEE cats. That’s a fact ^^


The other day, while waiting for the bus, there were 3 little kittens in a cage. 2 of them were trying to go out and one was looking at me without moving as if it knew that it was useless to fight.
Strangely I thought “Ok if I free you you’ll be free, but then what? The chances for you to die are higher than if you stay in the cage.”
And then I had an EUREKA moment if you can call it like that. Humans are living in cages too. Invisible but real cages.
And a lot of us are fighting to get out of them. While fighting a lot of humans are dying, even those who doesn’t want to leave the cage are impacted.

And now if we think about it differently. We get out of the cage. And then what? Almost everyone will die. Why? Because we are not able to live together without fighting over something. Why? Because the masters of this world taught us to do so for so long that almost all of us forgot how it was to live together. “Divide in order to reign”.

And now if I look at today’s situation. USA is accusing China that they don’t respect Human’s rights. O_o When did USA respect Human’s rights? When they are doing war in Afrika? Or when they meddle in the Russia affairs? Or when they create war in south Asia?
Before telling the others what to do in their countries, they better look at their own actions and correct them.

USA is asking Russia to settle down things in Ukraine.
Wait, wait, wait!!! Is USA in Europe? I thought that they were in Amerika. Then why interfering?
You know why? because of fears and interrests. The fears to lose the first place over the world. And the money they produce. “If you want a good economy create a good war”. they are the ones who are creating war in order to use weapon’s industry and be able to sell their weapons to their own enemies.
And after they ask their own children to go fight and sacrifice for the sake of their country. Children sacrificed by the weapons they created. What an example to give to the others!

I am not anti USA. I only find it’s a shame how the government is behaving.
We are all humans. We don’t need strangers to create more problems, tensions, difficulties where we live.

I hope one day USA will stop meddle in Europe, Asia and Afrika’s affairs.
And I hope one day Europe will stop meddle in each country’s internal affairs. Because they are not here to live what we live. So please stay out of it.

All this to say that no matter what, we will never be free and the weapons we are creating will destroy us all one day.
That won’t stop anyone from fighting but at least it has been said. é_è

After this sad article, better go look for something you find funny in order to cheer up. It’s not good to depress for that, even if it’s our reality.

To have the flu… here in Paris

Incredible. It’s been so many years I didn’t have a flu. I always was careful to not catch it and while doing this I forgot how to fight it. I forgot how painful it was, I forgot the smallest things to do in order to survive and heal.
And now I remember them one more time. It was like hell. And this time I’ll make sure I won’t forget, even if I don’t catch an other flu.
first thing : stay at home. you want to heal? you have to stay in bed, sleep a lot and sweat profusely. second thing : Painkillers and fever killers can help a lot. But in some cases painkillers won’t have any effects during 48 first hours. If you can’t take medecin drink it! No matter what, take it. In the end it will help.

Being able to heal myself is great. I don’t like depending on others when I’m ill. It makes me stronger to remain independant.
Unfortunately a lot of people I know don’t understand my desire to be alone. I like having my lonely times even when I’m in good health.
What it’s hard to accept for me is that what others don’t understand they try to force it into you. “I don’t get it, so you have to change.” Why must it be according to your point of view? if I’m happy like this let me be. 🙂
I was doing the same mistake too trying to foce my point of views to the others. Gladly I learnt my lesson thanks to my brother and best friend. 🙂

In France, and in Paris what amazes me is the behaviour of my own kind. The air system is a closed system. it’s not a cycle connected to outside. That’s why it’s smelling so bad in trams and metros and bus sometimes. When you know that the air coming is nearly the same all day, you open the windows in bus at least to have some fresh air. or better say you try to open them!
“Oh but it’s winter! we will catch a cold!” -windows closed.
It makes me laugh. Hey if it’s winter why are you in tee-shirt? wear winter clothes.
And do you really think that being in a crowded bus with no fresh air will help you stay in good health? viruses and colds are catched more like this than when a window is opened. :p

This morning in the bus it smelled like gasoline. I opened a window but a huge man closed it 5 seconds later. too cold. (it was 5-8°C nearly)
I stayed at that place 1 minute and then ran near the driver. I am not stupid enough to fight against his lack of good sense.

My advice when you’re in Paris, if you want to avoid being ill, open the windows when you can. ^^

What amazes me too is that in France we have a health system saying that when you’re ill, you can stay at home to heal and you’ll be fully paid during that time if you spent more than 1 year in the same company. The system is good when you don’t overdo it. But… that’s an other story.
So what I find awful in our case is that there are people who are going to work even if they have a virus. I am calling them selfish people. Why? hey you’re paid to heal at home. why should others be contaminated because you’re only thinking at yourself?
It’s like coming to work and ask everyone to look at you “look I am ill. Poor me”. Yarg! GO HOME!

It’s because of one of those people that I catched the flu. He came at work only to share his viruses. He didn’t even work! What’s the use?
Well it was my fault too for catching the flu. I wasn’t careful enough to boost my system before. I am more careful now. 🙂

Hope you stay in good health everyone and if you’re not I wish you’ll heal fast.

Eating or not eating; control it or not?

It’s up to you.

When I was a child I needed company to eat.
Now it’s quite the contrary. I am eating a lot when I am alone and few when I am with friends.

Today, because I hate not being able to move as I want, I don’t like to feel so tired, I decided to stop doing that.
Eating was always painful to me. Because I was taught that I had to eat, I often forced myself. But now I know it was a mistake.

So how to stop eating if we are not hungry?
First: is it your decision or someone else’s decision to lose weight or to begin to learn how to eat? If it’s not coming from you, if you don’t want it for you, you won’t be able to succeed it.
Why? because you need the motivation in order to control yourself during the first time. Every body needs time to adapt itself to changes. If you give up in the middle your body will remember. All bodies have good memory to what we are doing to them, be it bad or good.
So first thing first, think about your motivations and everytime you want to give up remind them to you. Write them everywhere to see it easily.

second do you know when you’re hungry?
2 years ago I couldn’t tell the differences between wanting to eat and being hungry. I stopped myself and begun to analyze my behaviour.
I was helped by a professional for the 4 first steps:
1) note everything you eat during a day. (without the quantities. you can put them later if you want. for me it was asking too much energy to try to do it. I didn’t do. I decided to count it in number of plates)

2) take everything you think you like and have a bite from each. Everytime you have a part in your mouth take the time to eat it. Let the same part be in
your mouth during 4-5 minutes while chewing it.
After this if you like the taste left in your mouth it means you like what you ate. If you don’t it means you don’t like it so don’t buy it anymore, stop eating it.
Since then I can’t eat Mc Donald nor Quick nor other fastfood. Some cakes I thought I liked I know I don’t like them in fact (kitkat being an example).
I did the same with meat, vegetables and fish and other sweets.
To erase the taste take a little of normal bread and drink water. for the smell, smell some coffee beans.

3) Once you know what you like and what you don’t like, even if it seems hard, throw away everything you don’t like. (give it to those who want if you can) begin to cook simple meals instead of buying.

4) Always take the time to eat. One bite must take nearly 2 minutes. It’s hard at the beginning but if you don’t force yourself to do it you’ll never learn to enjoy your meals.

5) avoid sandwiches. better have only bread, some fructs and a good dinner afterwards than a sandwich.

6) Help yourself to stop eating between meals: easy to say hard to do, isn’t it?
what kind of fructs do you like? replace whatever you eat by those fructs: one golden apple, one banana (better one per day, no more), 3 apricots (per day), and so on…
you don’t like fructs? do you like vegetables?
you don’t like vegetables? it’s hard here. Find something with low fat and eat small part of it.

7) Take only one plate by meal. It was hard because it meant to reduce the quantities but it’s really worth. I replaced the second plate by a small bread, a yogurt and some fructs. Later I didn’t need it anymore.

8) While eating fish and meat prefer to eat vegetables than rice, potatoes or pasta.
I am eating vegetables with meat, with fish, with rice, with potatoes, with pasta. but trying to avoid mixing them. Times to times (but rare) I am taking french fries with chicken and salada. It’s one of my favorites plates and I enjoy it. But even if I can have it everyday, I prefer vegetables because I know I’ll feel better later.
Living in France it’s hard to stop eating cheese. Even today it’s difficult for me. But I am still training. I don’t want to give up. As it’s my body, my health and my life, it’s up to me to be as I want 🙂

9) what to drink?
water of course. I drink coffee without sugar but times to times I like having my coffee with a little sweet (black chocolate is the best ^^). Trying to not overdo it, I always remind myself how good I am feeling if I don’t eat all the chocolate I have in front of me.
I drink tea without sugar. you can add lemon and if you really want it sweet better add one small spoon of honey. It’s more natural than sugar. I think.
I avoid coca (except if I ate something really bad, I am taking one normal coca as medecine :p), pepsi, 7up, fanta without problem. Sometimes I like drinking a fanta, but it’s not often at all (once every 6 months lol).
Since I am taking the time to taste everything I am eating or drinking, I found a lot of things too sweet for my taste. Oasis, pepsi, kitkat, brownies… I begun to like japanese and korean sweets because the taste is softer.

10) Once your body is used to eat less and better try to think what you like to do with it : walk, dance, run… No matter what other think about your choices, do it. It’s your choice. If you train you’ll succeed. Begin with twice per week and when feeling better and more energetic do it more often.
Remember to take rest for your body. If you push it too hard you’ll give up in the end. you and your body must like it. Not feel it as being a burden.
I like to walk and dance. ^^ I walk with friends and dance by myself because I enjoy it as well as singing. I don’t do it in front of others because I enjoy it more when I am alone. It’s only for myself ^_-
Dunno how to explain this feeling ^^

Personally I decided to give up on the bathroom scales. My clothes are telling me if I am losing weight or not. ^^
So Remember : You’ll succeed if you’re doing it for yourself and if you’re the one who decided to do it. there is no need to restrain yourself to eat what you like if you eat smaller quantities.
What everyone is saying to avoid when losing weight, if you’re eating it everyday, begin to eat it once per day, and after 2 weeks every 2 days once per day. After 2 weeks eat it once every 3 days, after 2 weeks eat it every 4 days and so on until you’ll eat it once per month or give up because in fact you don’t like what you’re eating.
I like bananas with chocolate during winter. At the beginning I ate it once per week. Now it’s less than once per month and I only take one banana. 🙂

In Japan and South Korea I was happy because I was able to calculate what I was eating everyday easily: 1000KCAL everyday was more than enough. In France I find it too hard to calculate as it’s not written everywhere. 😦

I hope my experience will help you. Yes you won’t loose weight at first, but with time you’ll see that you’ll loose and won’t win it back.

A new year and new words

Time flies quickly. Yesterday it was christmas 2013 and today it’s already the end of january 2014.
But what amazes me the most is how people I am somehow linked to them are able to say the words I need to hear.
The words I already knew but needed to hear them from someone else.

“The weapon of a woman is not her tears but her smiles”
I can’t agree at 100%. Tears can move a man’s heart too. ^^
What made me smile while hearing this is that before 2012 I was crying a lot. One day I decided I wasn’t born to live in pain and sadness and I wanted to learn to smile and laugh. 2 years later it’s quite surprising but I am smiling nearly everyday 🙂
I found the way to be happy no matter what. And when I am sad, I am remembering the happiest moments in my life; even the few I have it’s enough to make me smile. Creating happy memories, everyone can do it. Those memories can keep us going on no matter what and make the darkness fade away from our souls.

The other words I heard and I needed to hear are from a young man. He is 8 years and half younger than me. I don’t get how he found out this. It amazed me a lot.
“People who are crying are not weaker. They were too strong for too long.” And you can add “alone struggling by themselves”.
Because those who are really crying from their heart (not fake tears), are the people who endured too many things too much without complaining or revenge.
It felt good to hear it from someone even younger than me. Thank you dear friend.

A new year began, full of surprises. A new hope arised, vanished quickly in the ocean of goals we want to reach.
A new path has opened, it’s up to us to make everything go well for us. “Make it happen”.
A little risks to take and a new life to live, I wish everyone a year full of joy and new funny adventures.


The one I love: what must I do?

what can I say or do when I know who is the Mister right ONE for me?
I know we are fated somehow. How? I don’t get it even after nearly 8 years. Every damn day since the first time I saw him I knew. Those feelings never disappeared no matter what I tried (yeah even having other men in my life).

At first I ran away ending up bleeding and hurting all over. My soul in fire and my heart in ashes.
Then I stopped to run away and accepted those feelings and knowledge I received. Since then I was able to live with it. Still in the darkness and driven by human’s nature I wanted to join his side so badly that I gave up all my dreams. And one day my love was mixed with hatred. Why should I be the only one to cry, to feel lonely, to be hurt?
Until I got it. Until I understood what love really means. At least for me.

Being in love doesn’t mean the other has to love you. It doesn’t mean he has to acknowledge it nor to accept it.
But it doesn’t mean either for you to live lonely and in pain all your life. It doesn’t mean you have to cry all by yourself and stay in despair forever.
The world is so huge and you can meet so many different and interresting people. Go out and open your mind. It’s the only way to live accordingly with your soul.

There is a fact: I love him. No matter what, I can’t deny it anymore even though I still can hide.
i know that the way he is now doesn’t make him happy and what he’s looking for will never be found by the way he is now. Don’t ask me how do I know. I can’t tell, because it’s my secret.
I tried to help him improve about his work and private life. I thought that maybe it will reach him in a way and makes him understand. But…
hey, say… who am I to tell him what to do? I am the first one who is running away or explodes when someone is trying to force me to do something. u_u

… And will I be able to make him happy? If right here and now I was by his side. Will I be able to make him smile and laugh? Right if I don’t try I won’t know. But that doesn’t mean I have to force him try it with me. In fact, it’s a huge responsability.

I tried so hard to move things, I felt like dying everyday. Until I decided to stop myself and let go.
what’s the use to do the same things again and again when you know it’s failing to reach the goal? I am no one. I am a stranger for him.

It took me 6 years to learn that happiness is only a state of mind. So I decided to smile and laugh and be happy even if I’ll never meet nor be by this person’s side.
For me the most important thing is him to be happy even if it is without me. I am lucky he is living in the same world and era as me. I am lucky because whenever I want to see his smiles I only need to take a look on his website. I am lucky whenever I need to hear his voice, I can do it. I met him at the right time. And since that fateful day I learnt to smile and laugh, I learnt to be happy and believe in my tomorrows. because as he is saying, no matter the situation we’re in we have infinite possibilities.

When love is involved, humans tend to hurt others when they are hurt. I rejected that way. I will never hurt him willingly. I will never try to get revenge because my soul is connected to his own. It’s not his fault. It’s not anyone fault.
And in fact, from his point of view, I am surely a crazy woman he must avoid for his own good. ^____^ And I agree. He must stay away from me if he wants to live carefree.

I learnt to synchronize my feelings with my mind so I won’t reject them anymore. I lived alone for many many years. I am able to go on like this and I enjoy it because I can manage my time as I want. Today I can say I am happy. Of course I’ll be happier if I was with that man (… or not. as says my mother :p), but that’s not my goal anymore. He has his own life and ideas. I respect that because I have mine.

I have dreams. I decided to start again working to realize them and go on until I’ll die.
I can meet people wherever I am. I begun to make friends. I am not alone anymore.
I keep staring at the stars and singing, my mind full of his funny faces I like.
I enjoy travelling, thinking that one day I will be able to live in the country I belong to, no matter what the others say.
I am glad I met artists who make me laugh, smile and feel good. I want my life full of joy and happiness. And it’s up to me to make it like that. ^^

I am grateful that japanese people helped me to change my point of view. And that korean people taught me to laugh too. I know about the hatred and history behind those 2 countries but I refuse to play the usa’s game. The past cannot be changed. Future can. Hatred will never heal anyone and revenge will never show you the way of life. Instead of keeping it even now in your hearts you better erase it and start anew together. By unifying us we have so much to win but almost all of us don’t see it. What a pity!

I created a lot of happy memories. I remember them everyday. Do you know Harry Potter? When he says that you must think at the happiest moments in your life in order to keep darkness away? In real life it’s the same thing. Remind only the happy moments of your life and you’ll find the way for everything you wish without hurting the other beings.

Maybe one day I’ll be with the person I love, maybe not but at least I won’t regret anything no matter what will happen. I already chose my way. I’ll keep taking my own decisions and move on.
That’s the way I see things, that’s the way I am.